16th April 2008

How should I express myself… after 2 months plus my mum passed away.
Sometimes I feel sad, sometimes I don’t. Don’t get me wrong. It is not that I don’t love her. The prove is, for the past 2 months plus, I don’t even have the courage to write this post. Yes, sometimes I cried. Once when I was in the kitchen. I read the letter that my father sent to my mum. I was 4 years old then. The letter recalls so many memories until I decided to throw it away. If I keep it, I’ll cry even more.

There’s a lot of thing that I haven’t got the opportunity to learn from her. Especially cooking. See, I don’t even know how to fry mee. Embarrassing huh?
At least I still know how to cook, I still can survive with my little cooking skill. Once, my father praised me. He said that my ‘kuah pindang’ tasted like the one that my mum used to cook.

Still there is a lot of thing missing

My mum does not have the opportunity to see me finish studying.
My mum does not have the opportunity to see me working.
My mum does not have the opportunity to see me graduate

I always told myself, that never in my life that I expect to lose my mum at the age of 24.

When she was alive, she was sick. Every time I came home, I’ll do anything that makes her happy. But, there is one thing that I can’t do. Each time I have to go back to JB or Semenchu, I never have the guts to turn my back to say Assalamualaikum or even to wave at her. I’m just scared that I will cry. Now, there is nothing that I can do.

The night before she passed away, I really want to call home. But I delayed it, as I’ll be observed the next day. I just don’t want to transfer my worriedness to her.

Maybe that’s my biggest regret.

The main point is, if you love somebody, especially your family members, tell them. You might now know what will happen next. You might regret that you don’t tell them how much you love them or they mean to you. You might regret it later. For those who are not staying with their family, make sure you always contact them. A short phone call will do.

Maybe there’s nothing to say, but a simple story about your cat deliver 5 beautiful little kittens will cherish you up. Try it. Just take your handphone and make a call. It is a miracle when sometimes you think that you have a lot of problems but all will cast away when you hear their voices. Believe me. It always works for me.

Appreciate what you have, before they are gone.